Suicide and Love
Once in a while, I'd put my life seemingly on pause, and marvel at the almost infinite world, infinite to me, the lives of strangers, the stories they hold, the dreams they bear for this life. I'd google the population of that day; today's # of living = 6,838,199,815.
And then I'd hold out my hands, stare into them, into the physics of me. One life, right here, female, asian, has been granted so far 22 years of life, still counting. Connected to me, other souls, bigger stories, of family, of other loved ones, of this generation, of the ones past.
At least once in your life, you'll wonder about the purpose of it all, "to live," the purpose of humanity; you'll plan the future, while looking back at the road you've journeyed upon... Sometimes you look so deep that you forget how to live the present. You start questioning everything you every knew, every "fact" or "truth", every emotion expressed, every person, every idea, every hint of morality, every bits of the society, every vision of life you marked for yourself for the subsequent chapters. To live... what does that look like? Is it to follow the trends of the world, be educated and subsequently be employed, get married, reproduce, find happiness, and eventually death? Is it to satisfy a soul that desires success? Is it to meet those expectations of yourself, your family, this world? Is it to perpetuate life itself, so by the six degrees of separation, the world goes on? Is it to take a leap of faith and spread the words of God assuming His presence? Is it to merely be a part of the living force of the human kind that was put here via whichever way you believe? Or maybe that alone IS enough?
Century after century, lives are given to us, but they are not really ours, are they? Each second of living, we carry the different expectations of that stage, expectations, maybe out of love, maybe out of habit, maybe out of the ever-so-entrenched ideologies of life... even as a baby, the expectation to be healthy... Amidst all, often ripped away, the time for self-reflection, until it becomes obligatory. Some, after reflecting such, decides to end it all, different reasons precede. Some, decides to continue on with the way the wind blows, never coming back to this topic of contemplation. Some, not satisfied, keep tagging it by the collar, questioning, perhaps living the rest of the life like so, in between emptiness and fully living, in between certainty and bewilderment. Some, through great fate, arriving at one's own term with it, possibly through love, the most powerful of human emotions, one with a present, a positive value if assigned.
Love through suffering, through laughter, through community, through searching, through filling a void. Love, in such grace, how grateful I am, that I was created with, or if you insisted on your "scientific correctness" or "theorized evidence", evolutionarized with this beautiful emotion. Love, the presence of such, is enough for one to choose life.
So I hope you do. If you are in great doubt, in excruciating pain, or just in a state of indifference or emptiness or the greatest apathy, please find a spot of sunshine in your heart, in the world surrounding you; please smell the freshness of the grass, stroke the blueness above; please calm your heart, open your ears, and give thanks, because you can feel, if you so choose, the greatest gift you were entrusted with: the ability to give and receive LOVE.
And then I'd hold out my hands, stare into them, into the physics of me. One life, right here, female, asian, has been granted so far 22 years of life, still counting. Connected to me, other souls, bigger stories, of family, of other loved ones, of this generation, of the ones past.
At least once in your life, you'll wonder about the purpose of it all, "to live," the purpose of humanity; you'll plan the future, while looking back at the road you've journeyed upon... Sometimes you look so deep that you forget how to live the present. You start questioning everything you every knew, every "fact" or "truth", every emotion expressed, every person, every idea, every hint of morality, every bits of the society, every vision of life you marked for yourself for the subsequent chapters. To live... what does that look like? Is it to follow the trends of the world, be educated and subsequently be employed, get married, reproduce, find happiness, and eventually death? Is it to satisfy a soul that desires success? Is it to meet those expectations of yourself, your family, this world? Is it to perpetuate life itself, so by the six degrees of separation, the world goes on? Is it to take a leap of faith and spread the words of God assuming His presence? Is it to merely be a part of the living force of the human kind that was put here via whichever way you believe? Or maybe that alone IS enough?
Century after century, lives are given to us, but they are not really ours, are they? Each second of living, we carry the different expectations of that stage, expectations, maybe out of love, maybe out of habit, maybe out of the ever-so-entrenched ideologies of life... even as a baby, the expectation to be healthy... Amidst all, often ripped away, the time for self-reflection, until it becomes obligatory. Some, after reflecting such, decides to end it all, different reasons precede. Some, decides to continue on with the way the wind blows, never coming back to this topic of contemplation. Some, not satisfied, keep tagging it by the collar, questioning, perhaps living the rest of the life like so, in between emptiness and fully living, in between certainty and bewilderment. Some, through great fate, arriving at one's own term with it, possibly through love, the most powerful of human emotions, one with a present, a positive value if assigned.
Love through suffering, through laughter, through community, through searching, through filling a void. Love, in such grace, how grateful I am, that I was created with, or if you insisted on your "scientific correctness" or "theorized evidence", evolutionarized with this beautiful emotion. Love, the presence of such, is enough for one to choose life.
So I hope you do. If you are in great doubt, in excruciating pain, or just in a state of indifference or emptiness or the greatest apathy, please find a spot of sunshine in your heart, in the world surrounding you; please smell the freshness of the grass, stroke the blueness above; please calm your heart, open your ears, and give thanks, because you can feel, if you so choose, the greatest gift you were entrusted with: the ability to give and receive LOVE.
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