Reflections.

Reflections.

Today was one of those days, I stopped in my steps, took a deep breath, paused and looked back at past years. I re-read some of the notes I wrote from ten years ago, remembering that me. 

In my 20’s my heart was bursting of energy, of joy, of immense possibilities and this intense desire to do GOOD and be LOVE in the world. Remembering that I had a torch that I carried with me as I lived. I’m not sure when it happened, but the flame slowly slowly started dwindling. Until it became this tiny spark, so dim, so fragile, surrounded by a thick walled glass of a heart.

God was and is and will ALWAYS be there, but I, came and went as this glass matured. I wavered and dived into the messiness of the world, some days, months or even years of getting lost in the waves. Even still, HE, parted the waters many times in my life, in those moments, I could came up for a refreshing life-saving breath. Yet somehow, stones kept finding me, I got weighed back down over and over again. Slowly, slowly, it became harder to hear the parting of the waves, a glass wall slowly went up around the core of me. I took the other part of me, ventured out into the world, with no shield, no armour, no army. I climbed up what I thought was THE mountain with the top I was meant to view, yet the journey seemed to lack meaning; eventually it became harder and harder to catch my breath, the higher I climbed.

One day, rain came down, hard. The road became muddy, slippery. I lost my foothold. The rain became little rocks, coming down hard onto my bare skin. The rocks grew bigger. I was hurting all over. I looked for trees as shelters, but the mountain was bare and barren. I look for others on this mountain for help, but everyone was fending for themselves, equally broken. My skin, bleeding. My toes, peeling. My hands, numb. My head, spinning. My heart, my heart, my heart, where did it go...

A ray of light appeared through the stormy clouds. Stones shattered mid air to mist, hitting the grounds and disappearing...

The light grew in intensity, breaking up the clouds. So bright almost blinding yet I could not stop staring... My knees became weak, I knelt.

Kneeling, bathed in this light, I felt a tickle in my chest, a rekindled warmth that I have long forgotten. I felt something thinning and shattering, then the warmth grew stronger...

I looked down, my heart was right there, where it was meant to be, on fire, once again determined, connected, reflecting into the ray of light, something I had not seen or felt for years. I continued to kneel in stillness...